When You Think You’re Not Moving Fast Enough
What’s Really Going On
A Culture That Glorifies Urgency
We live in a culture that can make us feel like we are not moving fast enough, doing enough, or advancing enough. We struggle to accept where we are in life and dream of being somewhere else — having a better title, a better position, a better career.
We may wish for a greater sense of financial stability, higher education, or a richer network. Much of our attention goes to what we do not have.
I would argue that this preoccupation with not being where we would like to be is not true dreaming.
If we allowed ourselves to dream, our imagination would stay in the present moment. We would imagine how we would feel now, who we would be with, and what we would be doing.
This is easy for us to imagine. The now is here with us — there is no confusion, no conflict.
If we were invited to dream about what we would like to bring into our now, it would take hardly any time at all.
We would have a lot to say, as our imagination would be overflowing with ideas.
This approach of dreaming in the present prevents us from getting ahead of ourselves.
We don’t rush to get anywhere because we are excited to bring the future to meet us where we are.
We realize we can cultivate all that we desire — relationships, skills, activities, health — without seeking.
We no longer feel the need to “pursue,” but rather to “cultivate.”
Excitement replaces anxiety, and we simply want to do more of what brings us joy — what causes us to lose track of time.
This is a life worth cultivating.
The Seeking Dilemma
Often, we find ourselves doing the opposite.
We focus on what we lack in the present moment and refer to an imagined future, wondering what we can eventually have.
This hardly helps us feel better now.
Instead, it causes us to feel even worse about where we are, as this imagined future is vague, uncertain, poorly defined, and seems far from where we are now.
To compensate for this gap, we strive to chase after this future.
We may create a plan and work toward this imagined outcome.
Or we may act impulsively without a plan and struggle with follow-through, wavering between motivation and lack thereof.
If we are diligent and manage our time and emotions well, we may eventually arrive where we aspired to be.
This may involve material, financial, or social resources. It may involve skill development.
But this desired outcome usually does not have as much to do with our internal state as with our external circumstances. When we imagine what we desire, it typically relates to things external to us.
To our surprise, we often arrive and feel deflated.
The reward did not turn out to be what we expected.
We were so certain that this future would fulfill our inner sense of lack, but it did just the opposite.
Why We Seek
By some synchronicity, while writing this, I overheard a conversation in the café next to me in which a lovely woman described her mother’s suffering. Her parents had it all — the nice condo in the city, a comfortable retirement, financial security — but her mother was depressed and filling this gap in a variety of ways.
She described how her mother was a victim of messaging that promises fulfillment through an external picture of success. Her parents achieved this picture, and it left them feeling empty.
Their daughter (my table neighbor in the café) decided to live her life differently — to do things she enjoys, such as writing fiction; to educate herself; to study herself; to question the status quo. I could see that her efforts to follow a different path had paid off. She is confident, happy, connected — writing books with friends and reflecting on how society could be improved, and what role she might play in that process.
It can be so easy to fall into the trap of pursuing external rewards and neglecting our inner world. The catalyst for this entire cycle is the same for many of us: we feel empty. And the more we chase, the emptier we feel.
We feel a void within us because we believe we need what we are seeking to be happy — money, security, connection, love, status. This feeling of lack motivates us even more intensely to seek out that feeling of fullness through substances, food, stimulation, excitement, or adventure.
We hardly recognize the ups and downs we live through as this cycle quietly plays out within us.
The Power of Pausing
If we pause, become aware of the pattern, and choose to be fully present with what is real before us — what we can sense with our senses and with our intuition — we begin to reconnect. We notice the creative ideas and synchronicities, the beauty and magic that are always there but often overlooked.
From this slower, more attentive place, we can realize that we have everything we need now.
We are safe, and we can rest.
Every moment can reveal this to us.
Our breath nourishes us, grounding us and drawing our attention to the many wonderful details we can notice — words beautifully strung together, colors we fancy, a smile.
We begin to see that we do not need to be anywhere other than where we are to be happy or feel fulfilled. And choosing how to spend our time becomes a no-brainer: it naturally depends on the opportunities that present themselves to us, on what we enjoy, and on what we want to give.
Life becomes remarkably simple.
Clarity sets in.
There is nothing to question, no inner tension.
And peace makes itself at home.
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